You Won't BELIEVE What I Found
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: My very own A Very Potter  Musical/Sequel /Stargate Atlantis Crossover...  Rodney McKay discovers a startling secret that starts with J.K. Rowling herself and sends all of Atlantis into a musical tailspin...  Strap yourselves in...it only gets worse. R&R!
1. Chapter 1: JK Rowling's an Ancient

**Crossover:**** ~*A Very Potter Musical*~ ****&**** ~*Stargate: Atlantis*~**

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**You Won't BELIEVE What I Found…**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: J.K Rowling's an Ancient…<strong>

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The Scientist stumbled into the Control Room paler than a sparkly demon from Twilight; slack-jawed and with an expression of utter horror. Even Ronan began to grow concerned when there was minimal resistance as the normally stubborn-to-a-fault man was manoeuvred into the secreted Meeting Room by a rather concerned-looking spiky-haired pilot. Complete silence continued as the elongated doors closed in a precision manoeuvre programmed by Ancients nearly ten thousand years ago…

The whole thing was, well…Worrying.

_Frightening_, even… Truly frightening…

"Uh, Rodney…" prompted John in a rather cautious manner, prodding the man carefully on the shoulder, he was afforded a confused series of blinks…then a look of comprehension and a death-dealing glare. "Don't ever prod me again, Sheppard…or you'll find your toothbrush may just be replaced with a miniaturised nuclear bomb." Most people would laugh off a statement such as that as he man's pure ire at being caught out being inattentive.

…the people of Atlantis weren't '_most people'_. They'd seen what Rodney could do with a handful of pocket lint, a screwdriver, two Barbie dolls and his sharp intellect…oh, and duct tape, always with the liberal amounts of duct tape.

It paid to play nice with the Head of Science…you tended to live longer that way.

After all, he was the City's last-ditch resort in a Wraith Attack...and you _definitely_ did _not_ want to find yourself magically transported **outside** the City shield in that event [even if Dr Weir makes him transport you back]. Just ask Dr Kavanaugh…he'll tell you…if he ever gets out of the foetal position long enough, that is.

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His heart was palpitating in a strange rhythm, offset by the pounding tempo of blood rushing past his ears and into the throbbing cacophony that was his ache-plagued mind; a diet of sugar, coffee and hours of sleepless research was always a recipe for disaster. Blinking again, he sucked in a deep breath and looked to Elizabeth, the Commander of Atlantis stood to his extreme right, arms folded and a patient expression on her face that bespoke significant pain coming in his generalised direction if she didn't get an explanation in the next ten seconds…

"John…please don't get weird on me, because I just _know_ you will –_you giant Fan Boy_- but…" Rodney steeled himself to say it, "…I think I've found **PigFarts**."

Complete and utter silence greeted the strange, outlandish statement… Elizabeth's mouth fell open in shock, Ronan and Teyla contrived to look completely confused…and John?

Well, if the sudden, terrifyingly maniacal gleam to his feverishly bright, blue eyes was any indicator, there was a significant chance that the man would simply throw his arms in the air and begin to…as it was commonly referred to… '_Squee_'. An inarticulate squeal of joy that could not be properly expressed any other way…exclusive to those who developed a cult-like devotion to certain shows, book series or, in this case, musicals. Also known as a fan girl, or…in the rare instance, a fan _boy_, such as John.

Judging from the suspect glances Ronan and Teyla were shooting the man, they had also realised something was up with the spiky-haired pilot and were as worried as he, about the whole situation.

"Rodney…you have about ten seconds to explain…" faltered Elizabeth, frowning and giving her patented _Just spit it out!_ glare. For the sake of his own skin –which the physicist was rather fond of- Rodney complied instantly to the command… "Well, I was going through the Ancient Databases, trying to fix that pesky power fluxuation running around the Infirmary level and shorting out key life-saving equipment…as Carson keeps yelling about it. So, I may or may not have blown out a small section of the City by accident, but it seems that was a failsafe for in case someone unauthorised discovered… well, you know." He shrugged, trying to find a way to express what was going to happen next.

"No, I don't know… 'You Know'-WHAT?" Elizabeth practically growled at him, something was taken as funny to John, who began to giggle; Rodney got it and smirked slightly as he corrected, "It's more a _Who_, you could say…" he stated and watched as she took the bait. Her shoulders tensed, then released in a huge sigh, "You Know _Who_, then?"

"Voldemort!" Rodney and John chorused in time, looked to each other in the split second of surprised silence, then burst out laughing; John clutched at the desk and Rodney fell off of his chair… Ronan was looking grave; and by that description it meant, if someone didn't explain what was going on soon…they would be _in_ one. Teyla's pretty features were marred by the crease in her forehead marking how confused she felt; whereas Elizabeth's expression had developed a thin smile at the bad pun she had walked right into…offset by the small throbbing vein in her right temple…

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He clutched the console in horrified desperation and threw a suspect glance over his shoulder at the shuttered area currently housing a howling group of people who were supposedly the Expedition's Leaders. Not five minutes ago, Rodney had been dragged in there with a horrified expression, on the verge of a complete mental break-down…now something was so funny, at least one other in there was laughing like a loon.

Cursing low under his breath in Czech, Dr Radek Zelenka turned back to his work re-calibrating the sensors…as the pretty young linguist behind him –one Dr Sanchez- spat out her coffee in an impressive spray, ivy eyes wide with shock and petite mouth hanging open…

Zelenka remained oblivious… and then it happened.

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"I- *wheeze* I can totally explain, Elizabeth," another snigger escaped, he took a deep breath and composed himself, "Alright, I'm calm. Okay, so basically, we all know the Ancients had this little thing about control, right? Setting up civilisations, destroying them, creating the Replicators…all that stuff. Well, turns out there was another MASSIVE experiment we were never meant to know about… When I blew out the section of the City, it uncovered a hidden laboratory with a whole candy store of consoles all still receiving data from various worlds. Some are dead, others thriving…but one thing remained constant…no matter what data came across the screen , it always repeated itself after a set period of time." He took a deep breath and noted how everyone had dragged chairs close to where he was sitting.

"Initially, I thought it might be a recording…you know, an accident or a deliberate display of information, but…well, it's much worse than that. Much…_much_ worse than that, it seems. Turns out, the Ancients not only liked playing God…they were also into Dr Who…" he earned baffled, stunned glances. "They liked playing '_Timelord_' too…the planets, the data…it wasn't flawed, the worlds they transmit from are on a constant time loop. As soon as the parameters are met, the time is reversed and everything happens again in the exact same manner… They even managed to make certain there was no feedback, no…_'de ja vu'_ , if you will, so these people have been in an endless cycle for nearly –as far as I can guess- ten thousand, four hundred and twenty-seven years. Not only have I discovered a disturbing little quirk of the original inhabitants of Atlantis, but…" he smirked, "I also have conclusive proof that J.K. Rowling is an Ancient."

At that, Teyla fell off her chair, having read the Harry Potter series; whereas John's jaw swung open and clunked onto the table-top in surprise…

Even Elizabeth looked perturbed, but as she opened her mouth to protest, there came a strange cacophony from outside…

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"_Welcome, All of You to Hogwarts!_

_I welcome all of you to School!_

_Did you know that here at Hogwarts…_

_We've got a Hidden Swimming Pool?_

_Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Hogwarts!_

_Welcome Hotties, Nerds & Tools!_

_Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts_,

I'd, uh, like to go over just a few Rules…"

Major Lorne's voice echoed clearly through the small room, the rest of the Gate Crew swaying and clapping along to the strange music that filtered through their minds. The Major slammed his hands over his mouth in surprise, trying to stifle the next words, but they flew out all the same…

Stranger still, was the fact that all the rest of the Gate Room seemed to join in right there and then…

"_Back to Witches and Wizards _

_And Magical Feasts,_

_Back to Goblins and Ghosts_

_And to Magical Feasts!_

_It's all that I love and all that I need,_

_At Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_

_Back to Spells and Enchantments,_

_Potions and Friends!"_

Here, the room seemed to split into four factions, each crying out vehemently before blending together again, seamlessly.

~*"**To Gryffindor!**"*~

~*"_**Hufflepuff!**_"*~

~*"**Ravenclaw****!"*~**

~*"_**Slytherin!**_"*~

"_Back to the place where our story begins,_

_At Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_

_Hogwarts, Hogwarts!_

_Hogwarts, Hogwarts!"_

He awkward-meter only rose as they all returned to their senses with sheepish expressions as the 'music' faded from memory and the entire Gate Crew was left to turn and confront a bemused Dr Weir, her arms folded in a '_You have five seconds, start explaining…_' gesture.

Major Lorne did the most logical thing he could think of…he ran for it, Zelenka and the pretty Dr Sanchez close on his heels…

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><p><strong><em>TBC...<em>**

**_Oh yeah, it gets worse..._**

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><p><strong><em>Me + Random ideas past midnight = Very Scary combination...<em>**

**_Chapter 2 [A Very Potter Time Loop], will be up as quickly as I can beta it..._**

**_~*SailorSilvanesti/Phoenix Fire 3*~_**


	2. Chapter 2: A Very Potter Time Loop

**Disclaimer: Don't own...does want...**

**Warning: This is going to get Worse before it gets better...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: A Very Potter Time Loop<strong>

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All was hope was yet to be lost. Oh no, wait… No, the world was doomed.

Elizabeth was tapping her foot. The soft _clack-clack-clack_ of the sole touching base with the Ancient flooring, was enough to send chills up any spine, considering it was combined with a complete set of folded arms AND 'the glare'. The one their illustrious leader usually reserved for dealing with difficult parties during negotiations… You know, the one that made that Genii commander wet his standard-issue dress pants…

John and Rodney, -both curious at the strange singing phenomenon- had followed Dr Weir out of the Meeting Room; though now, were slowly backing away in fear and a desperate need for self-preservation.

Determined to wait out the oncoming verbal storm in a relatively safe place…

However, it seemed, that in light of no forthcoming explanation, Elizabeth whirled about and strode back into the Meeting Room, Atlantis politely shutting the doors after her dramatic exit from the Control Room.

"Rodney, how about finishing that explanation of yours now…?" it _sounded_ like a question on first hearing, but they all knew it was a command. The astrophysicist gulped audibly, seeming on the verge of -_not so much an internal battle, but a full-scale war_- making a decision, finally concluding something and waving a distracted hand at them all while snatching at his ever-present Tablet. Pressing a few buttons in a strange, yet complex, dance of fingers, Rodney walked to the exit/entrance and Atlantis opened the doors in anticipation.

The man paused and turned back. "Well, come on…it's kind of hard to explain in simple enough terms for John to understand it, so I might as well show you…besides, it's rather awesome."  
>And he was gone.<p>

A void seemed to fill the room for a moment, gaping with uncertainty and surprise, but slowly drawing them all into its swirling vortex with the promise of sated curiosity and excitement… So SGA-1 and the Leader of Atlantis followed Rodney out of the room and through a never-ending array of previously unseen corridors.

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Deep under the City, previously submerged areas were now dry…but sadly rather charbroiled…signs of a recent Rodney-related explosion was on every surface all the way down the corridor; speaking of the man, he now stood before a small chamber with the signs of a large metallic door having been carefully removed with several truckloads of dynamite.

_No_, mused John as he leant in for a closer look at the gaping hole in the wall that extended like a giant mouth, leering creepily, _definitely some C4 damage in there…maybe a grenade or two as well…what the Hell did Rodney do?_

A strange sense of pride flushed him at the thought he may finally be rubbing off on the team's geek, but it was short lived in memory, for the sheer size of the room beyond was enough to blank even the most basic articulation from all thought. "Kind of like the TARDIS in here, isn't it?" he said at length, just to fill the silence. Rodney smirked in an irritating way, "You could say that…alright, so we're here. Now it'll be easier to explain."

McKay strode over to a console nearby, glanced over the contents then moved along…repeating such a review until he had seemingly found the correct one…

He tapped at the screen and a familiar screen flashed up in holographic detail, with a full-feature bio scrolling synonymously by its side; a tall man was rotating in the air… A very familiar person, if what was on the screen could be believed… "Is that…?" asked Elizabeth, pointing and squinting at the features with some scrutiny. She received a confirmatory nod.

"Andrew Lloyd Webber, the original Phantom of the Opera and writer/actor of many more…Before you ask, yes, he was an Ancient. Turns out, the Ancients have a frightening quirk…they love musicals. Sure, a few major book series play out periodically…but for the most part, their victims were worlds where emotions and feelings were expressed in song. Some of the ancients brought these memories with them when they left Atlantis, eventually writing about them or creating clever plays… Others, well, joined in the background…becoming part of the never-ending pantomime." Ronan was staring in a rather interested way at the Scientist, wondering exactly when the man would pause for breath.

"So there's a whole world that has this…_Phantom of the Opera_, then?" Teyla inquired, curious. Carson had brought it back from Earth on a recent visit and she was absolutely fascinated by the whole story, this was a paradise for her… "In as much as there are worlds for all the Musicals you've ever seen…" he added and drew up scenes from surrounding consoles…immediately the rooms was flooded with familiar images from musicals such as CATS, Oliver, Annie, Grease, RENT, Boy From Oz, WICKED, The Rocky Horror Show- …that one was swiftly de-activated, due to the scene they were up to… Mamma Mia, Hairspray, Jesus Christ Superstar, and last, but not least, was a screen John pretty much glued himself to. AVPS… _A Very Potter Sequel_.

"If it goes in Chronological Order, then the other Musical –_A Very Potter Musical_- is played directly before this one…John, stop with the drooling, that's highly unstable Ancient Tech and, it's kinda gross…" Rodney admonished with a vague glance. A holographic J.K. Rowling hovered in a lazy turnabout before their eyes, by the screen…miniature students danced as a small red-head munched on the largest block of chocolate known to man. Teyla's fingers stretched out to the hologram, reverently… Elizabeth looked shell-shocked, but shook herself with great fortitude and narrowed her eyes.

"How is this possible? That was written long after Harry Potter began…" she started, only to find a hand up in her face and a vague humming replacing the stony silence Ronan had garnered for himself. Another set of tapping, one chirping console, and a hologram of…what looked to be the fifth movie…popped on screen; again the J.K. avatar appeared, flickering and turning beside the pictures. "This one is set differently; it doesn't repeat every few days…this one takes nearly a full forty years to complete its cycle… I'm assuming that _Jaira- Ro_, -J.K.'s Ancient Name according to the database-, was the original initiator of this experiment and simply wrote a diary-style story with a few artistic flourishes…and the 'Harry Potter Series' was born."

There was a significant chance John was going to pull himself in two pieces and simply cling to both consoles if possible… Ronan grunted, "Didn't you say something about…Pigs farting?" the Satedan wrinkled his nose with distaste as Rodney blinked, had the proverbial lightbulb moment, and beamed.

"Oh, you mean _PigFarts_, a magical school mentioned in both the Harry Potter Musicals; indeed I have located it…not on Mars, but a planet so similar, it's easy to see how they would correlate… Ahem, as I was saying… _Pigfarts_, on Mars…mentioned _a lot _by one, Draco Malfoy; lead by Headmaster Rumblerawr, a talking lion who rewards good students with a ride on his back." Ronan seemed to perk up at the sound of that, "How big is he?"

Rodney shot the man a quizzical look, but answered truthfully, "You might fit… So, turns out, the Time Field encompassing these planets also extends most of the way through their separate systems, most are close but none have an accessible Stargate we can utilise. Problematic, yes…so is the chance we might get stuck in the time dilation fields of wherever we visit…but-…" He was stalled by Elizabeth's hand, "Whoa, back up a second, McKay. This is the part where you ask me if you can go, then I say yes…don't just assume…besides, what if I want to go?" her smile was as infectious as it was mischievous.

Dumbstruck momentarily, the Scientist could not reply, John saved the day however with a, "All in favour of visiting HPSW1, raise your hands." McKay spluttered, hand high in the air with Ronan, Teyla and Elizabeth's, "HPSW1? What the heck does that mean?"

Sheppard beamed, "Oh, simple…Harry Potter Singing World 1…"

As Rodney clasped a hand to his suddenly-throbbing head, there was heard a muttering of, "_I am __**never**__ letting you name things again…_"

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><p><strong><em>TBC...<em>**

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><p><strong>Hope you liked the Random, it's going to get much weirder from here on in...<strong>

**Next Chapter -_ Chapter 3: Teyla Can't Draw! Teyla Can't Draw!_**

**_Reviews are love..._**

**_~*SailorSilvanesti/Phoenix Fire*~_**


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